Love for the Devil
by Fanatical-Chick
Summary: Rating for language. Kurt Wagner deals with the guilt of his family's death in a world where he doesn't belong. *Fantasy/X-men cross over.* PLEASE, PLEASE R&R.


Hey, it's me again! Wow, I'm actually posting something! lol. This is actually a joint Role Playing session between me and my best online buddy, Ruatarvos. We all call her Rua. :) This is an alternate dimension within an alternate dimension, so to speak, a cross over between X-men/Marvel and the Fantasy genres. The Kurt here was originally a normal human who was kidnapped from the "real" world and taken to a medieval land called Llyrya, where he was transformed into the fuzzy elf we know of, only instead of being good and kind, he works for the tyrannical sorceress who controls the world. He's sort of like the highest ranking official in her army of magically transformed beings. But he doesn't want to be that way, not really. Which is where this comes in. It tells a lot about what he's feeling truly when he's not brainwashing himself into blindly following his leader's orders. In his world, he'd been a blissfully married man, with two children, and had pretty much had everything he wanted. The perfect life. Until, while coming home from work one day, he finds himself...not...on the road anymore...much to his confusion. The Sorceress, whom I sadly can **never** remember the name of, had "teleported" him to her world, and thus began his enslavement. She changed his body and mind magically, making him her greatest magical "creation" and her favorite "toy," both sexually and militarily, but it still wasn't enough to keep him faithful to her cause, and so she brought his wife and children to Llyrya as well, and as punishment, made him watch as she murdered his wife, in front of his children's eyes. The pain and anger at what happened had made him follow her blindly, as he was "supposed" to for a time, but then, with his kids there to remind him of who he really was, and to worry about, he began to plot leaving and taking them with him, so they'd be safe. She found out, though, and as punishment, temporarily blinded him magically so that he couldn't see and forced him to listen to their screams as they too were murdered. That was the humbling moment in his life, and the moment that he knew he had to do as she said, and also the moment when he knew he'd have to start lying to himself about what was going on to truly keep from going insane. His true nature comes back in spurts, and he almost always finds himself back at the scene of this rp, the graves of his family, which is something he's been able to keep a secret from even the Sorceress for the longest time, or at least he thinks. He's one of my favorite characters to play, and one of Rua's as well, silly as that is. 

If you want to read more about this world, go to her story, which is another Role Playing adaptation of my Gambit character, who was in the same situation Kurt is for a while, until he ran away, and her Rua character. It's one of my favorite stories. :) Seriously. Even if it wasn't about my first ever role playing session **anywhere.** We made a deal that I could post this one up if she could post that one. lol. I hope hers is up soon. If it's not, just keep checking back. It's really, really good. :)

Just copy and paste this link in your browser if you want to check it out: http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=293933

Now, on with the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Kurt Wagner, or the aforementioned Remy LeBeau, the pimps at Marvel do, and they don't like to share unless you pay. I don't have any money, which is why I write fan-fictions with characters that aren't mine, because I can't buy them. So don't sue me, please. I'm not getting any money off of this, and even if I was, it wouldn't be enough to really count anyway. Ruatarvos and Strato are copyrighted to Ruatarvos, which isn't her real name, but I ain't tellin' you that. :) Kurt's wife and children are copyrighted to me, thank you very much, even if you don't get to see them in this story. You might later on, if I post Kurt's background story. It's a really nice angst-y little thing, as you could probably tell from the background I gave up there. One of my favorites. But bad me, I think I lost it, and I haven't gotten around to re-writing it. I will soon, though, hopefully. Especially if I get a lot of reviews. *wink wink.*

Love for the Devil

By: Remel (Only Rua can call me that.)

Rua drifted through the trees, her feet making no noise, her red locks once again bound beneath a strip of tan cloth that matched her tunic. Now, she had a new companion. Abandoned by Remy, it seemed... After everything. Well, she'd known better. She moved her hand to stroke the red-and-black snake that twined around her arm. "I don't like this, and I don't trust you... But I must admit, I'm fond of the form you've chosen. It suits my temper... Are you venomous?" ~If you wish me to be...~ the demon in disguise said almost sadly. He'd managed to find a form she would tolerate, but he couldn't earn her trust. Something he longed for desperately, it seemed.

The dark figure sitting in the middle of the forest would be almost impossible to notice at first as she got closer. And he didn't even seem to notice she was there, sitting a bit of a way to the left of the path she was traveling. But when she actually saw him, there would be no mistaking whom he was, even if only for the spaded tail that thumped restlessly on the ground behind him, twitching back and forth repeatedly. He never took his eyes off of the three small pillars in front of him, crosses jammed into the ground years ago, marking the burial places of people known only to him and one other. As of late, he'd come here more often than was probably healthy, or safe, for someone in his position, his status. He knew the whole time that the Sorceress would never allow this..."weakness" to go on, if she found out. But...a part of him, his true self, didn't care anymore. Sometimes he was so tired of the brainwashing, of lying to himself, telling himself that "it had to be done," that this was the way it had to be, that he almost did something to get her to kill him. But then he just remembered that she'd probably find something to do to punish him for his "insolence," and he'd only end up worse off then before. Which was, sadly, the reason the brainwashing went on. He knew that as long as he did as she said, he was safe, for the most part. But the second he did something wrong, he'd be punished again, as he had been in the early years. But he couldn't, in his real state of mind, tell himself that it was all right, doing what he did. So...he had to lie to himself, tell himself that he was right, and everything he'd ever believed before was wrong. But...it never lasted for long, and he'd go into a mood like he was in now, and the whole process of brainwashing and insanity would have to start all over again.

She walked in silence, stroking Strato's scales, until a soft hiss drew her out of her thoughts. Her eyes immediately scanned the area, and there she saw... well... it was the demonic blue elf. Silently, she moved off the path towards him, stopping about a step behind him, to the left. She'd be visible in his peripheral vision, the snake coiled around her left forearm. She said nothing, fixing her brilliant green eyes on him, waiting. This one interested her. This one radiated of an agony as deep as hers and Remy's. 

He didn't seem to register her presence, other than the fact that his tail stopped thumping and settled. Had she been able to tell where he was looking, she would have noticed that his eyes fell away from the graves to look over his shoulder without turning his head. His expression changed to one of...hatred, or anger, and apprehension as if he thought something was going to come flying at him from behind. When nothing happened, though, and he realized it wasn't, he seemed to settle again, and finally murmured over his shoulder. "Go. Away." And that was it. He didn't even know who it was, but at this moment, he didn't care. He was sure it wasn't the Sorceress, but even if he hadn't been it wouldn't have made any difference. He was in no mood to deal with intruders on what he considered private, consecrated ground. This patch of the forest, albeit very small, was his, and he felt anyone else coming upon it was trespassing, as if finding it was invading a part of his life that no one had a right to see, to know about.

She remained still for a moment, after he spoke, then dropped into a crouch, next to him, her eyes no longer on him, but on what she surmised to be graves. She didn't say anything for several moments, contemplating. Finally, she said very quietly, and without her traditional coyness, "You don't have to go back to her."

His eyes fell back onto the markers as the anger deepened on his face, remembering now who this woman was. She was the one who'd been with LeBeau, when he'd caught up with him. "What? Go off on my own? Und become a fugitive like LeBeau??? She has even more of a hold on me than she did him. She's connected herself to me magically. If she vanted to, she could kill me now, where I sit. Und besides...even if she didn't kill me...she'd send her soldiers after me...I'm not like LeBeau...I von't run...I'd stand und I'd fight, until I died or they did. There's too many of them..." besides, he thought...at least this way...he could live with himself. He could make himself believe in what he was doing, if only for a short time. If he actually left her service, that would mean actually making a conscious effort to stay to the truth, to stop the lying. The guilt alone would kill him before her soldiers did.

She didn't look at him, her eyes remaining on the markers. The eyes of the serpent, however, watched him warily. Rua remained silent for some time after he had stopped speaking, then said softly, "There are ways to break all bonds. It's a rule, written in the most ancient books..." trailing off, she tested her hypothesis, by adding very quietly, "Your family wouldn't want you to destroy yourself out of guilt..."

He frowned, a sort of wry glint coming to his eyes as he shook his head. "Except...you forget...she wrote all those books...und the ones she didn't, she burned. So either way..." There was a pause, but then he truly looked at her for the first time, snapping his head in her direction, the anger, bitterness, and depression evident in his eyes even as he ground his teeth together, fighting back most of the emotions he was experiencing right now. He wouldn't show weakness to her, not like this. In this world, he'd soon found out, sadness was a weakness never to be tolerated. Even less than anger that wasn't directed at the right things. "Ja, vell, I don't see how that matters much anymore, do you???" He snapped out, angry not only with himself, but also at the fact that someone was actually edging their way into his life, into who he really was and not who he pretended to be, who he was supposed to be. Kurt's human life was supposed to be eradicated, all traces demolished with his humanity, he was supposed to be a new man. It was as if someone seeing this part of his life was...opening himself up to some kind of hurt, some kind of attack. If someone could know this much about him, even this little bit, then they could use it against him, with dangerous consequences that even he was unwilling to admit to. He stood, turning and attempting to walk off, crossing his arms, but...he slowed and stopped before getting thirty feet, sending a troubled glance back over his shoulder, the anger replaced by the sadness he truly felt. It was as if he felt unable to leave. As if it would be a betrayal to his family, would say that they hadn't mattered in his life. He wasn't willing to allow that to be even the appearance of things.

She didn't stir, or make response to his tirade, and allowed him to move off without a word. It was odd, but she sensed the moment when he froze, turning back to look at her. Slowly, she turned to fix her gaze on him again. There was a sympathy in her eyes - not a pity - but the look of someone who might actually understand far more than they were being given credit for. "There are whole libraries of books that even beings such as she will never lay eyes on," she said quietly, and somewhat darkly. The snake responded with a hiss, not at him, but at her. Rua's eyes narrowed, sliding down to glower at the snake. "Don't," was all she said, clearly a warning to the beast. It seemed to cringe, averting its gaze. Her eyes moved back to Kurt. "I'll help you."

The look he'd sent had been more at the graves she was sitting by than at her, as if he were mentally apologizing to the spirits they represented for trying to leave, as if it were an insult to them and he were worried that he would see the form of his wife standing there shaking her head at him in disgust. But there was nothing but Rua, and he was unsure if that were a relief or another burden on his shoulders. "I...you...you don't understand...I don't even belong here...They weren't supposed to be here...If it weren't for me..." His voice trailed off, and he found himself pacing, circling slowly around a large tree, as if he wanted to hide behind it, but couldn't force himself to stop moving either. He didn't know if it would have been easier if he and his family had been from Llyrya, and he even seemed to have made the adjustment amazingly easily. But it was something that would always bother him, even if he didn't show it. It was buried deeper than he buried his sadness at what had happened. Somewhere, in their real world, was a house that was abandoned, filled with children's clothes, photo albums, toys, furniture, all things that showed people had lived there, and happily. But that family was destroyed. The pictures and belongings would still be there as a memory of people who had had their entire lives torn from them. And the only one who was still around to appreciate them for what they truly were wasn't able to see them again. He had nothing to remember his family by aside from the graves, not a doll or a picture or even a lock of hair, like the people of this new world liked keeping, held in pendants around their necks. The two worlds were like night and day. Everything was so different, and Kurt had never truly gotten over the shock of going from one to the other. Who really would? "...I...can't. I just can't..." he clenched his hands into fists and relaxed them repeatedly, fighting with himself. "I can't just...get up und decide to go on my own...I can't get away from her..." And that was the part of him that she had tainted with her magic, the part that actually felt a connection to her, like one would feel for someone they really felt for, only this was an illusion, one that even he couldn't see past. He hated to admit it, but in a way he didn't want to leave her side. It was a cruel trick she had pulled on him, and one that would prove as troublesome as his guilt, because it fought with his true feelings. He slammed his fist against the tree, growling in an almost yell, a violent action that was followed by an almost polar action as he seemed to wither against the support the tree gave, crossing his arms over his stomach and pressing his cheek to the bark as he closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face. "I can't...I...I don't **want** to...Damn me, but I can't...~" his voice dropped to a whisper as he admitted to the feelings that he didn't even want to admit to himself.


End file.
